So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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