Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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