Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
