I think im going to throw up on grandma
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
