Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
