Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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