why didn't you poke me back
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
