so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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