Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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