it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
