May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize