Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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