I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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