I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
