my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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