At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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