He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize