I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
