It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
