Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
