there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize