the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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