Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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