In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
