So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We are all done wearing pants today
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize