I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
