call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
