your room smells of hookers.
And success
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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