I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
