he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
