Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize