saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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