Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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