Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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