you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
