I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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