I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i drank out of a bidet.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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