I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
