Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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