everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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