The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dicks are not precious.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
