I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
