A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
