Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
