My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize