Where is the hickey?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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