The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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