Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
