Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
