The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
