is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
