I am puke
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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