there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
