my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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