Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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