My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
