what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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