It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
