Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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