We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
