she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I need moral support for this bender
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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