i don't like sucking hair
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
