it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
