She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
